Bakit? Mga Tanong na Walang Kasagutan

I am in a deep state no one could ever understand. It is being in a reality and continue dreaming with whats not gonna happen. Thinking about it I can certainly feel the agony inside my chest pounding ripping everything I have inside. What did I do wrong to feel this? I feel empty thinking over and over again. I feel sorry for myself having this feeling I dont even know why Im feeling this. Maybe because love is free and so is pain. 

Kelan ba naten mararamdaman na okay na talaga tayo? Yung wala ng sakit? Na kapag naaalala mo yung dati di kana masasaktan?! Bakit kailangan naten pagdaanan yung mga bagay na akala naten magiging masaya tayo pero sa huli masasaktan lang pala tayo o kung hindi naman tayo ang makakasakit. Bakit kailangan naten ulit ulitin yung mga nangyari na before if in reality di na naten mababalik yun?! Bakit ang sakit sakit pa din knowing you've move on 5 years ago. Bakit ang sakit knowing you're happy now, and just for a moment you remember that memory of him it hurts. Why??? Why i need to feel this? Bakit ako nahihirapan? Bakit? Kelan ako magigising na kahit kelan di na mababalik yung dati? Na di na tayo kelan magiging magkaibigan na di na magiging tulad ng dati? Bakit ang dami kong tanong na di ko masasagot na walang taong makakasagot? Na kahit alam ko na yung sagot eh ayoko pa din tangganpin? Bakit? Bakit? Bakit?

Take time and write something

Let me tell you a story...

When I was young and started schooling I never really thought what I would want when I grow up. You see I'm not a dreamer nor a goal setter, I don't really care about anything before. But I thought of many things, mostly cool stuff to do when you became adult. Let's start with me being an astronaut, how cool that would be if you're gonna be the first female in space but off course it didn't happen since Cosmonaut Valentina Tereshkova was the first ever woman to be on space way way way back when I wasn't born yet, but it will still be cool if I would became an astronaut. Then I though of becoming a photographer back then I realized how cool it was to be capturing moments. I believe I'm a photographer now at some point in life because of the changes in technology and how easy it was to take picture (not officially though)  but still its one of my first love and I'm not letting it go. Then when I was in High school I found a really cool thing to do, one that other people might think is boring and not really a high paying job. I was inspired by my journalism adviser. Yes, I wanted to be a writer.

However, life had its twist and turns and I never became a Journalist so to speak even a writer. I became a Physical Education teacher ( O diba ang lapit ng career na napuntahan ko sa gusto kong maging ehehe), then I realized in the middle of my career as a teacher I wanted to be a Sports Medicine doctor (Madame kase talaga ako gusto). You see its really weird and fascinating at the same time. Despite of changing dreams and careers or being a different person I never really forgotten what I want to do. It is writing.

So, I made this blog 4 years ago. I thought of sharing something about what I think, feel and how I view things about life and everything in between. I thought of becoming really really into it. But I wasn't, maybe I wasn't sure what to write or I don't really make it as my part of my priority or maybe people doesn't even know it exist. The thought of "would somebody would read it?!" But those are just excuses because at the end of the day what matter is you don't hurt other people by what you write but help them at some point.

That's why I realized to stop making reasons and just to do it because that what makes me happy. And it doesn't matter if people are gonna read it. As long as I'm writing what I want write.