Bakit? Mga Tanong na Walang Kasagutan

I am in a deep state no one could ever understand. It is being in a reality and continue dreaming with whats not gonna happen. Thinking about it I can certainly feel the agony inside my chest pounding ripping everything I have inside. What did I do wrong to feel this? I feel empty thinking over and over again. I feel sorry for myself having this feeling I dont even know why Im feeling this. Maybe because love is free and so is pain. 

Kelan ba naten mararamdaman na okay na talaga tayo? Yung wala ng sakit? Na kapag naaalala mo yung dati di kana masasaktan?! Bakit kailangan naten pagdaanan yung mga bagay na akala naten magiging masaya tayo pero sa huli masasaktan lang pala tayo o kung hindi naman tayo ang makakasakit. Bakit kailangan naten ulit ulitin yung mga nangyari na before if in reality di na naten mababalik yun?! Bakit ang sakit sakit pa din knowing you've move on 5 years ago. Bakit ang sakit knowing you're happy now, and just for a moment you remember that memory of him it hurts. Why??? Why i need to feel this? Bakit ako nahihirapan? Bakit? Kelan ako magigising na kahit kelan di na mababalik yung dati? Na di na tayo kelan magiging magkaibigan na di na magiging tulad ng dati? Bakit ang dami kong tanong na di ko masasagot na walang taong makakasagot? Na kahit alam ko na yung sagot eh ayoko pa din tangganpin? Bakit? Bakit? Bakit?

Take time and write something

Let me tell you a story...

When I was young and started schooling I never really thought what I would want when I grow up. You see I'm not a dreamer nor a goal setter, I don't really care about anything before. But I thought of many things, mostly cool stuff to do when you became adult. Let's start with me being an astronaut, how cool that would be if you're gonna be the first female in space but off course it didn't happen since Cosmonaut Valentina Tereshkova was the first ever woman to be on space way way way back when I wasn't born yet, but it will still be cool if I would became an astronaut. Then I though of becoming a photographer back then I realized how cool it was to be capturing moments. I believe I'm a photographer now at some point in life because of the changes in technology and how easy it was to take picture (not officially though)  but still its one of my first love and I'm not letting it go. Then when I was in High school I found a really cool thing to do, one that other people might think is boring and not really a high paying job. I was inspired by my journalism adviser. Yes, I wanted to be a writer.

However, life had its twist and turns and I never became a Journalist so to speak even a writer. I became a Physical Education teacher ( O diba ang lapit ng career na napuntahan ko sa gusto kong maging ehehe), then I realized in the middle of my career as a teacher I wanted to be a Sports Medicine doctor (Madame kase talaga ako gusto). You see its really weird and fascinating at the same time. Despite of changing dreams and careers or being a different person I never really forgotten what I want to do. It is writing.

So, I made this blog 4 years ago. I thought of sharing something about what I think, feel and how I view things about life and everything in between. I thought of becoming really really into it. But I wasn't, maybe I wasn't sure what to write or I don't really make it as my part of my priority or maybe people doesn't even know it exist. The thought of "would somebody would read it?!" But those are just excuses because at the end of the day what matter is you don't hurt other people by what you write but help them at some point.

That's why I realized to stop making reasons and just to do it because that what makes me happy. And it doesn't matter if people are gonna read it. As long as I'm writing what I want write.

Harvest Beach Resort 2012

Harvest!
One thing that I love to do, is to travel. I love learning new things seeing new places and meeting new people. “Harvest Beach Resort” our destination for the Lenten Season, after being punched by work loads and activities,finally we had the chance to go out of town and have fun. It was planned long time ago, before the year started. There are only few people who went there, me, carla, carlo, Mam I, Mam Mjoy, Izza and her family Grace, Prem and her Mom with Kuya Chris the driver. As we travel the road to north we shared fun memories and happy moments with each other, the crazy days and dramatic moments of the school year, the people who influenced and became part of our life, we even joke that the car is overloaded even though its not, just to fill those hearts who long, if only they can come maybe we could be happier. But in those hours of travel I never felt bored or felt any down moments, unless we are sleeping. We laugh hard, and never felt that we are only 10 people in that car.
We arrived at the resort “Harvest Beach Resort” it was owned by Izza’s grandparent. The place was amazing because of the church. First we did was to rest for a bit and wait for our cabin, when we finally have our cabin we rested and woke up just in time to take a plunged into the water, we played Beach Volleyball and Frisbee.
After a while we got the chance to experience the Kayak me and Grace tried it first and we had fun. I love extreme but sometimes I am also afraid, I can never explain what feeling I have that moment, maybe it’s a feeling I will never forget, “carefree” “fearless” feelings that sometimes I can’t have because I’m afraid.
“Bon Fire” first time to do bon fire on the beach, even though it doesn’t look like a bone fire. How you watched the fire stirs up and slowly go down. The stories we shared as we wait for the fire to die. God is really great.
“Food” amazing and delicious food. This is one of my favorite, I will always remember the “Savor” who became a ball in the dining table. The adobong pusit and some other sea foods. Yummy!
“River” First time cooking while seating in front of a burning chicken. =) And cliff diving, the fear of falling and totally sinking in the water is one those experiences I will never forget. It will be treasured in my heart.
“Sunsets” Those orange lights and reflections to the sea coming from the sun, was really my favorite moment every time I go to beach. That part when you watch the sun slowly go down and gently covered by the darkness of the night. It constantly remind us that another day has passed and we are blessed to lived that day.
“Sunrise” One thing that I will always remember about the beauty of Harvest is that you get the chance to see both faces of the sun, how it sets and rise. Its a wonderful moment when you see the sun rising from the top of the mountain range of Zambales, it brings hope that we are given another day to live and full fill our purpose as humans created by God.
“PEOPLE” Izza, Irene, Mjoy, Carla, Carlo, Grace, Prem. =) Thank you for the joy you brought in those 3 days in Harvest. The long talks and jokes that are recycled over and over again the teasing and simple smiles at each other. I will always remember those times. =)
I wish to see more of the Philippines as I travel with the people I love, with my camera, and my back pack. =) God bless!

Life to the fullest

It’s nearly end of the year. Stories of this year was amazing that I can’t even write them all. We tend to tell ourselves that we should live our life to the fullest. But do we? Are we really able to live our life to its fullest? Or we are that kind of people who tell ourselves that we can live tomorrow and just waste our today. I wanted to share my life this year living to its fullest. I never thought I would be. I always tell my self that thing live to the fullest but I never really did until this year. I was able to lived it. I realized its not about the things we did that we can say we lived it. It’s about those moments, memories, people, and place we’ve been able to meet, experience, visit and reminisce. It’s about life that we are able to lived. It’s new year again. What are your plans, your resolution I hope part of it is living. Loving to live the life God has given you. Living life to its full extent that even though tomorrow will not come you can say I have live my life and its enough. Lets put our hopes up and live what we ought to be living. Our story is written by a perfect Creator so always remember that you are supposed to live because God wants you to. In this coming year maybe you will battle with problems, heartaches, trials, and challenges but never forget that this things are part of life. Learn to say thank you, appreciate what you have, be grateful with the people around you and never forget to appreciate them. Be kind even when there is no kindness at all. Give and don’t ask anything in return. Love like you never love before. And last, remember your Creator. In this, you can live your life to fullest.

This blessing called People

I will always thank God for having you and being with you. Maybe not everyday that we are together but knowing that we are in each others hearts makes me so happy and blessed. Thank you for the family that I found in you I will really miss you in the future but I know we know we will always be here for each other. Our closeness might not be understood by others maybe its too much beyond normal but who cares?! We know and only the three of us know, 4 of us including Izza knows how this closeness have grown into what you called HOME, we are not blood related yet you understand everything about me and the same way about you. You make me smile and always letting me know that I am love even the world doesn’t care, you know how to deal with my anger management mood swings and crazy moments. I love you and in my heart you will never be replaced. Thank you for sharing your life with me, I am also honored to share my life with you. What we have will always be in my heart. And it will never change. I pray that in your next chapter you will Always apply God’s wisdom and teachings so that if you failed to do what need to do you will have that courage to stand and continue your journey. I may not be able to be there physically but you will always be in my prayer. I love you and I will be here for you no matter. ❤🐷😍😜🌹💋😭📷 @pattyacidss @wobblebee

I wanna write

I woke up this morning and feeling sad about what will happen for the following days to come. Knowing everything will come to an end. I've been there, a place where all I can see is eyes watering with the loneliness of parting. That part when you are standing at the cross roads and trying to figure out where to go. Trying to at least cater what you feel and console it . I been through goodbyes, then comes moving on and it was always like that. I've been there and I guess I've done it also. I said goodbye and I moved on. But I realized every goodbyes are different you can say they are the same but when you picture it they are not. Every goodbye has its own story, characters and settings. It's like a movie over again. This I will never forget about it "we had fun while it lasted" said by my uncle who went here in the country four years ago as we were heading in the airport. Yes we did, we had fun all the little and detailed memories that we did throughout those days that we were together. The happiness, experiences, even our cries and laughter was there until today. It never changes it cannot be brought back to life but it can be remember for all our life in this world.
Today I felt like writing again. Writing our stories together, how we made it this far, how we became a family, one that I will never forget until the day I die. We are not perfect in our own way. But through each other we learn and move on through our life. We love in a way that even the silliest thing matters to us, we mocked each other yet we open our arms to each other for an embrace. We fight like we can never be friends or family again sometimes we say hurtful words. Yet, we humble ourself and put it back the friendship and love we found in each other. We say sorry then we laugh, we cry then we eat. That's the funny thing about us, we eat a lot and I also pay for it. But one thing this goodbye makes me wanna write again?! How it made me realize, that I don't want to just remember everything one day I want to never forget them. I wanna write them so that one day if we happen to bump at each other again we might do the things we did before. And maybe in that time we are not going to say goodbye. I wish to say this in front of you, but I don't have the courage to say it. I guess I wanna write coz its my way of saying I love you. How you are to me? I didn't know what happened. But not knowing what happened is worth it for in this life I found precious gems priceless and beautiful. Life may want us to write, one thing I will write may never know what to, but I will always know what it's all about. Good byes are not the hardest they are the very exciting part of life.

This means GOODBYE!

It seems like yesterday when I first enter your class and met the people who will be my student for the whole school year. Teaching them the lessons I've learn in college. Showing them that PE is an exciting subject and an opportunity to be well rounded individual. I remember that day, I was wearing a blue chinese collared shirt, a slocks and a simple black shoes. As I headed towards the room I'm a bit nervous of what they are going to say or the first thing they gonna remember for the rest of that year. I remember being strict that day showing them that I am the authority. Never know they would be my student up until they graduate.

It a good thing remembering the past. The moments that stops the time for a bit, moments that can never be forgotten. They say "You can never change past" and it is true. But leaving them behind make us think of the things that we did, if only we can make it better, if only bitterness could be erase or hurts can be fixed, but we can't. We will live and move on, but the memories of the past stays forever.

I am teacher, even though I scolded you a thousand times, I shouted you, I teased, I called you during resitation, I ask for your help or even when times you need a friend and a mother. I was there, "WAS" and hoping I still could but life is journey, we need to move and see the world that our eyes has never seen. Live like we never live before and love like we never love.

This might be the end of the road for your high school journey.I hope that what you learn in that four corners of HCA that sometimes the aircon is not working more than the books of Physics and Math or the grammar in ENGLISH, the lessons that books can never teach you, or explain to you. The lessons of life you learn in HCA. Will be in your journey throughout your lifetime in this world. Keep your faith in your heart and never forgwt the reason for it.

It is a privileged for me teaching you for the past 3 years. Live on and full fill your dreams and never stop believing. Keep the FAITH!


To batch 2011-2012. God Bless!